he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
