Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
