is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
