Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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