you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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