i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think people are normalizing furries
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
