I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Someone signed my nipple.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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