So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
