Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
