i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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