it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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