i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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