You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
