my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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