An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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