my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
