What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
