Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Actions speak louder than pants.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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