Define "chronic" masturbator.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
