I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
