the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
