if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
