you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
