his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
