I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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