so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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