Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
