"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
