I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
