you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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