I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
