he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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