ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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