One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
