you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
