4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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