did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
