Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
