mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize