I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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