To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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