do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
