I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need a beard to bite.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
