I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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