my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
