I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
