I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
