When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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