I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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