he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed