Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
