from now on my penis is your penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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