dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
