I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
