i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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