he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
