some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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