I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
