Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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