So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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