Non-Jews are for practice
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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