i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
