I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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