we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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