I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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